He's Just A Rascal!

Dear Mr Nike,

I am a vertically impaired orphan with no limbs or ears. I use my teeth to drag myself around which as you can understand is a very slow process. When I heard about your collab with Dizzie and the fact they were only dropping in the capital of England I started my epic journey from Newport .

I left home three weeks ago and have managed a distance of 425 metres from home, this is due to loo breaks and my love of wagon wheels.

If I could just have a free pair that would be lovely as my crowns are begining to wear down and I am going back home to watch Telly Addicts with the dashing Noel Edmonds.

Thankyou very much,

Brian xx

( some of the facts above may be untrue as I really needed a heart warming story of success when faced with adversity to appeal to Nikes soft side.)

P.s These trainers are Ace!

Bad Ass Mother Fuckers!

You Poor Bastards! I feel sorry for the youth of today. How can you live alife without the spiritual teachings of Pope Segal and Arch Bishop Van Damme. These men ate lead, shat bullets and killed hundreds of moustache wearing men, all while saving damsels in distress with massive eye brows. Amazing! I only mention this because of the joy that the Segal Vs Van Damme season has brought to me. Now go out buy a film, a classic will knock you back 75p and share in my nostalgic need for mindless violence. LEGENDS.