Robot Hamsta Is Now On Twitter!

http://twitter.com/Rhamsta

Sunday Service!

I've never thought of myself as a classy fella. I dribble when I sleep and have a nasty habit of picking my ears and sniffing what ever comes out, but even I draw the line at this.
On Sunday as I was off to ASDA(or ASDERS as the Welsh like to call it) to purchase obscene amounts of food to soak up all the hard liquor I'd consumed the night before when I stumbled across two ugly little fuckers having a good old snog. Obviously I turned my nose up as I have no time for natures cruel mistakes, let alone when they're sharing diseases.
As I got closer and the picture got a little clearer I started to wonder why I couldn't see his left arm! Was this a genetic mutation, intrigued I looked closer. It then dawned on me, the reason I couldn't see his left arm was because it was shoved up the Fat Girl in a shiny track suits Fanny. Shocked, I pulled my Supreme Beanie down over my ears and walked past, desperately trying not to be put off lunch by the sound of squelching.

Dirty Bastards!

I wonder if the fat classless slag has a list on her wall which looks like this;

5 THINGS TO DO BEFORE I FAIL MY GCSE'S
- GET A WINNIE THE POOH TATTOO

- GIVE A DOG AN ERECTION

- GET FINGERED IN ASDA CARPARK WHILE SAT ON A BALLARD AT 2.35PM ON A SUNDAY.

-SHOUT RACIST REMARKS AT ANYONE WHO EATS SPICEY FOOD

- SEE N DUBZ.

Pay Me In Tea Bags!

On a recent day trip to Newport, Robot Hamsta decided to catch up with well known writer and local slag Shannon to ask some searching questions.

RH-"So Shannon, You have been described as a master of Words! Where does the inspiration come from?"

S-" I fockin' washed my hair this morning and it's still damp. Mad!"

RH- "That is mad!... How do you find time to juggle writing and Family life?"

S- "Since Baby Armani broke the T.V remote we can't focking turn it on so I hav' t' leave the microwave on and they all watch that well I'm out. Then I serves them Fidus crispy pancakes when I get in, thats if I haven't pulled! (grins)"

RH- "Nice....I see being a Parent brings joy and inspiration to your life and work."

S- "2words........Child Support Benefits!"

RH- " After viewing one of your most famous pieces in the beautiful Newport Bus Station (pictured above),

I just want to ask one more question.

What do you tack?"

S-" Cock."

RH- "Shannon, Thanks."

One lucky reader could win a signed Photo of Shannon (below) by answering this simple question.

Shannon recently lost half her top lip. How did she lose it?

Was it;

A- Pulling a wheelie on her mountain bike.

B- Breast feeding

C- Chewed it off while on an afternoon Methadrone binge in whetherspoons.

Bill "Mutha Fuckin" Murray!

Mark Up Your Ronson!

Do you lie awake in bed sweating and shaking, trying to tease half a spit lubed finger up your arse, dreaming not of Girls Boobies or Boys Bums, but of the day someone would dedicate a project to creativity & culture through print, television & a series of exhibition events & performances. (Mark Ronson does!)

While sweat no more The Creators Project is here!

The Creators Events series kicks off this month in New York with a mix of installations, screenings & performances by creators worldwide. The series plans to hit London, Sao Paulo, Seoul; Beijing over the next few months so keep an eye out on http://www.thecreatorsproject.com/en-uk/ http://www.facebook.com/thecreatorsproject?ref=ts for more information.

Check out Mark Ronson chatting with The Creators Project below about his beginnings, collaborations, latest album & love of hip hop.

http://www.thecreatorsproject.com/en-uk/creators/mark-ronson

Dick-Ridin' Obama!

New Boondocks. Enjoy!

Neuter Them At Birth!

Only those dopey slags that go on Jeremy Kyle look at this pic and go, "I'd love to have that fat red sweaty belly resting on me while we struggle to get his little pink dog dick into my hungry over used Vag!"
Then, 63 days later (pikeys have the gestation period of dogs) an ugly, monobrowed, creature crawls out of the womb to begin the vicious circle of life.

Sneeze!

Sneeze mag x supreme, thanks for the memories issue.

Two Thumbs Fresh!

For those of us who missed out on the monster that was the Tiffany Dunk there is hope, 2011 will see the next installment of Nike x Diamond Supplys love child. But can lightening strike twice or will it be a bastard child that nobody wants.

Pixels. A Short Film For The Retro Gamer.

PIXELS by Patrick Jean from ONE MORE PRODUCTION on Vimeo.

Thyroid, Shmyroid!

I've seen the future and it's not the Technologically advanced civilisation that Star Trek promised.
We travel on buses with greasy hair, our fat, shit smelling arses take up two seats as we sweat into our grey Primark tee. We feed from large blue plastic bags full with packets of cheap crisps and our past time is licking the crumbs from our chubby fingers while we look at gold rings in the Argos catalogue.

Oh, hang on, that's not the future! That was my bus ride into Cardiff.

Sorry, my bad!

Futura: The Godfather Of Graffiti.

I Just Want To Rent Your Womb!

Let me set the mood for you!

It's a dark, cold night in November. The wind is howling through the large rusted metal gates. The public toilet you are waiting in has Man poo spread all over the white tiled walls. There are 12 missed calls on your mobile from the old ball and chain. Standing there alone you check to see if the condom you taped to your winky before you left the house is still in place (You're Ray Mears ready). You hear voices approaching. The excitment starts to build. A large stranger appears from out the shadows wearing rubber gloves and a Bart Simpson mask. "It's bum time!" he says.

This is how I thought sex addicts behaved. Skulking around in dark places doing evil. It turns out that I was wrong, recent articles show that they live amongst us in everyday life. They could be our Friends, our Neighbours, the person serving cold meats in ASDA, they could even be our Childrens Teachers.

Sneaky Bastards!

So how do we spot the sex addict. Here are some common traits. Read carefully, it may just save your life!

1)Eyes which are too close together
2)Monobrows
3)Tie dyed T-Shirts
4)Clarks Shoes
5)Excessive Ear hair
6) Seamen Stains on sleeves
7)Alanis Morissette
8)Small Hands
9)Rabbits

There is hope though if your are a sex addict, groups are popping up to deal with your problem. The Sex Addicts Anonymous(SAA) deals with sex and love addiction. Thank God.

Lets hear how they can help.

"An SAA group consists of two or more individuals who, using the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of SAA, meet regularly for the purpose of recovering from their addictive sexual behavior( throbbing willies and hungry fannys). At our meetings, we read SAA literature(Porn) and share our experience(Anal Rape), strength and hope with each other, focusing on how the SAA program of recovery works in our lives."

— Sex Addicts Anonymous

I just can't wait to be so old that my shriveled up love tool of deceit no longer works. Only then can I be truly safe from sex and love addiction.

Get help before it's to late!

What!

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. I missed Doom in London.

I've been a good boy this year aswell. Then again, I have been shouting at Midgets. Bugger.

I'm off to sit on my bathroom floor and cry.

Why god,why!

P.s I love you Doom.

Pac Div X Cool Kids

G-Whizz!

Boys. This summer don't waste your squids buying the missus a 12 inch phat black beast that every time you look at it just reminds your little pink dick couldn't fill Barbies mouth.
Sod the wife and her hungry growler, take your cash and get one of these amazing S/S10 G-Shocks.

They are so pretty. Much better than looking at a massive veiny rubber limb that the missus trys to shove up your arse during sexy time.

Stop it I don't like it!

3 Inches High And Rising!

Spank my arse and call me Charlie! It's been 20 years since 3 feet high and rising was released. Back then I was still having baths in my underpants. Shocking.

Kid Robot X De La Soul = Booooyaaaa!

Guess where I'm spending my giro on the 18th March.

Poke Your Mom!

The phone rings "Bbbrrring, bbbrrring." You answer,"Heello?" The voice on the other end goes "Hey, this is Vice mag you wanna draw Pokemon's for money?" You answer, "Yes fucking please!"

Now I've done alot of things for money, such as dance in my underpants to R. Kelly's, Bump 'n' Grind while a tramp and his dog (which was dressed like a reindeer) watched. I can tell you doing this leaves the type of dirt you can't wash off! But to get back to the point.

Vice has teamed up with Nintendo and commissioned 7 lucky bastards (artists) from around the globe to create Pokemon inspired visuals that celebrates the release of the latest Pokemon game. Exciting! So if this gets your testis tingling there will be an exhibition to showcase the work from, 24th - 31st March at Blackall Studios, Shoreditch.

Unfortunatley I never got the phone call so I decided to do my own Pokemon inspired piece. Hope you like!

Go to www.viceland.com/repokemon to see the rest of the work and you can also enter to win the game and a DS.

Juicy!

10 Deep Spring Preview.

Spring 2010 - Lookbook Preview Vid from 10 Deep on Vimeo.

Monkey Business!

Now these are pretty fucking cool. BAPE have teamed up with Tokyo based jewellery brand AMBUSH to create a pretty exciting capsule collection, ranging from Hoodies, Tees to Shoes. Being honest the clothes are a little same shit different colour but the jewellery is a winner.

Big Pimping Baby!

Pick them up at Bape this Spring, but be quick as they will fly.

R.I.P Mr Smalls. May 21, 1972 – March 9, 1997

What a Leg-end! 13yrs have past and still Biggie holds the crown!

Skwak's Divine Comedy.

Who Wants To Buy A Kidney?

Parra X Nike are the the trainer collab equivalent to Beans on Toast. Bloody lovely!
Release date is set on the 13th march and they're limited to the Patta Store, so miracles will be needed if I'm to be rocking these this summer. Bugger!

Come Over To The Dark Side!

So you wake up and start your day by putting on your Topshite jeans and Blue Banana tee then you straighten your hair, lace up your fake Converse and then you go and sit around outside McDonalds in massive groups and some how you still think your Individual. Wrong! Look around, you are nothing more than a copy and pasted version the person next to you! Wake up...... It's BORING!

At Robot Hamsta we try to discover exciting new labels that are passionate about their product and the people who wear it. So try this on for size!

If you take a Comic book Villain, then mix it with japanese streetwear, splash in some of your favourite music and use a strict colour palette of black and white, you have a very exciting T-shirt label by the name of Villainous Visards, a collective of creatives that aim to put a little bit of individuality back on our streets. Definately one to watch for 2010.

Viva La Visards!

Bow Wow Wow!

It's 1993. I'm 14 years old and the world seems a very dark place. Mr Blobby is king of the airwaves, Mulder and Skully start investigating the Paranormal and the douche bags at school start getting stupid logos shaved into your head.

Luckily for me on the other side of the pond a young Cordozar Calvin Broadus had just released his debut album Doggystyle. It was my awakening, I had discovered something raw and exciting that came with an attitude that seriously offended my Mother. Who doesn't love to shout along with "What's my muther fucking name?" Obviously my friends didn't agree with me, I should have be listening to Pabolo Honey and being a grumpy bastard! No thanks.

I had found a voice with Snoop and had begun a path of amazing discovery which started a lifetime love affair with Hip-Hop.1993 is my golden year; how could it not be with albums like Wu Tang- Enter the 36 chambers, Tribes' - Midnight murauders, Souls of mischeif-93 til infinity, Intelligent Hoodlum- Tradegy, Eazy E- It's on 187 um killa, I could go on and on but if you fancy a little trip down memory lane, check out The Rubs' History of Hip Hop and listen to ll cool j before he started making girls music.

I miss you Snoop, please put down your pimp cup and come back.

Whooo, Lives In A Pineapple Under The Sea?

Dear Cash For Gold, Would You Take My Mums Teeth?

You Can't Stop Them Feeding!

I remember watching this Porno when I was young man. It started with a close up of a luxurious brown fur throw. It slowly panned up from a pair of red patent heels to a pair of long tanned legs. The camera continued to pan up, it was thigh high by now and I was fully extended a glorious 3inches, when "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? It was a GLASS EYE. Why was a glass eye resting on her thigh and why was it no longer in her face. NO! It can't be, then without warning the camera shot straight to a Women being facially penetrated. ARRGGHH! I started to gag, I was so worried I was about to throw up over my flaccid willy which was still poking out my school trousers like a worm looking for rain. Panic ensued. How I was going to explain the sick, pre-seamen and tears over my best school trousers. I rushed to the toilet for damage limitation. BBLLAARRGGH. That's when my mum started banging on the door. "No mum, don't come in!"
Imagine the look on my Mothers face and the complexity of her thoughts as she breaks into the toilet to see her son with his willy hanging out while being sick. Not my finest hour but definately not my darkest!

I guess the point I'm trying to make is.....don't eat with or allow anyone to penetrate your eyes.. It's dirty!

The Hundreds x Michael Lau.

Now here's a wonderful little toy that lives on the fine line between controversy and genius. Roll up people and choose your side!


I love you The Hundreds!

Ryca ca ca ca!

Shit The Bed!

I'm so excited I've just managed to do 3 cock push ups!

The Infrared is back this year. Do not miss out on these beauties!

Gene Pool Lottery!

For some reason I decided to google people who looked like animals.(This is how I deal with hangovers. It makes me feel better!) Look at what I discovered. It's more like really unlucky animals that resemble fat bastards who sit around in caravans wearing butterfly t-shirts and smoking their dandruff flakes. Look at those beautiful eyes.

Fashion Weak!... Sorry but I need a moan.

Over the weekend i decided to take a trip down to the Big Smoke as fashion week was going on. I had a few invites and thought I'd pop along to see a show or two. (Although I did miss quite alot due to the free drinks and my inability to get out of bed.)
I was hoping to meet some exciting people, as I'd been the season before and had much fun but this time round it was FUCKING SHOCKING! There were a small but dedicated group of exciting, creative and very cool people but the rest were on a shameless pursuit to be very very low level celebrities. I shed a few tears as I realised that this was the end, we had turned into a nation that hungered for a picture in Heat and the price we would pay would be our integrity .

So I sat, observed and feel I have put together a definitive guide to becoming an indisputable famous for nothing wanker.

1] Act Like a complete twat so you get so much attention people think you know something they don't.

2] Be a twin and walk around crashing fun parties by pretending to be part of Vice mag while boring everyone you meet with stories that have no relationship to the conversation, then film your sister getting rogered by a fairly famous blogger.

3]Dress like a massive pretentious PRICK. For example a fashion Vampire.(This was rather popular with the 18 to 25 category)

4]Leave all self respect at the entrance to the afterparty.

5]Use your rough as fuck drag Queen friend to ask girls if you can "intercourse" them as you cannot speak English. NO THANKS!

Then my friends you will be first in line for minor celebrity status and if your lucky you may be even be asked to open your new local spar. Well Done!

Note for next time......Please try better!

You're A Robot!........ More Genius From Spike.