The Fall Of Man Never Looked So Good!

Original Sin Promo from Ben Smith on Vimeo.

New and dead exciting label, Original Sin is Dark, twisted and as cool as a box of Fish Fingers you just got out the freezer! How cool is that you ask...? Ice cold!

http://thecultoforiginalsin.com/

T.L.A. J.3

Oh My God. Look what came in the post this morning. I've rubbed my Nipples raw today just gazing at these Beauties. Who knows what will happen when I try them on! I may lay some towels down first. Exciting!

I'm Hungry For Some Laser Lovin'!

I'll see you payday!

Not Even Vanish Would Get Those Stains Out!

"STOP JUMPING ON THE BED!" My Mother would scream up the stairs. "Ha ha. I'm not jumping on the bed Mom, I'm having a sex with it." I'd mutter while pumping away.

As a Boy I tried many ways recreating a mock lady zone, I tried toilet tissue tubes stuffed with kitchen roll but that gave me paper cuts, I tried lying on by belly with a stiffy and wiggling around on the floor with my arms by my side, no joy, I even tried two slices of fresh bread, not even close.

(Now you have to remember I was at an age where I had never seen, touched or had confirmation from my Mother that the Vagina actually existed so this was some major guess work happening.)

On a daily basis I would scan the house for potential fannies, then one day in my bedroom bored, Jesus spoke to me and said "Lift up the mattress and pop your willy in."

So I opened the Kay's catalogue to the bra section, popped on a clean sock, lifted up the heavy mattress and BOOOOM, BOOOOM, BOOOOM.

History as MJ would say.

To Hairy To Pimp!

I am officially a Junkie. So far this month I have scored a pair of Burn Rubber New Balance, a pair of OG air max 97's, a pair of OG Jordan 2's and the Cool grey Jordan 11's. So yesterday when these little drops of heaven fell to Earth I had to have them, I started getting that junkie scratch which looked like I was trying to knock an invisible Parrot off my shoulder, the problem was like any junkie I am as skint as arse holes.

I had to seriously get the old grey matter going, the question was "How was I going to get them?"

Would I be able to sell my Arse? No it's to hairy! Give hand jobs at £7.50 a pop. No, I'm out of protector and couldn't chance getting Man juice on my kicks! Did I know any slags I could pimp! No, bugger!

I was seriously up a dirty smelly Creek without a paddle.

Then I remembered I have another account for such Trainer emergencies. Woooo Hoooo! Panic over!

(This all happened in 6.7 seconds while sipping a nice warm brew.)

So the happy ending to this beautiful tale is that the Jordan 3's are in the post and I didn't have to perform any illicit acts.

My Mother would be proud.

When I Loose My V Plates!

When I was a young Pup in my School there were 3 things that everyone wanted when they grew up, these were Pubes, a Beard and a see through Toilet Seat with barb wire in it. Nice!
But I was different, I had bigger dreams. I always wanted Gout, a Smoking Jacket and a Elephant Foot Umbrella holder.
I would collect slugs 'n snails and sacrifice them daily to my god, hoping that one day I would be blessed with my wishes.
Luckily for me no one listened as I later found out that gout was a right Bastard to have, but the Elephant Foot dream still burns bright but unfortunately for me they are now dead stock and you can longer get or have one. Gutted! So in order to fulfil my childhood dreams I've decided to be a little more inventive and get me one of these instead!

Just imagine this beauty hollowed out and popped by the front door with your brolly in! Glorious!

The Voices Made Me Do It!

When I'm left alone I get really bored, really quickly. My mind then begins to wonder and I start hearing the Voices. They say things like" Go and dry shave your balls with a bic razor!" or " Bet you can't sniff that Coffee!"
So the other evening I was left alone again and the Voices came back. They said " Lick the rust off that nail!" I knew this was bad so I had to politely decline. Then the Voices said" Ok, if your gonna be a pussy, why don't you buy some Burn Rubber New Balance with the last of your monies instead, even tho there's still 18 days til payday!"
"Brrrilliant idea" I replied. So I did!



Aren't they beautiful and they will be here tomorrow!

The Dog Babies Are Coming!

As a man of the world I have discovered many harsh and scary truths, such as finding out that the Easter Bunny was sent down for 18 months for smothering himself in deep heat and giving dirty blowjobs to tramps and that Pigeons are actually really Posh but pretend to be lower class as it brings in more bread when begging.
These are natures dark secrets but nothing was to surprise me more than this next secret.

DOGS ARE DRESSING UP AS PEOPLE AND HAVING INTERCOURSE WITH THE POOR!

Liar, I hear you cry but think about it, how many seriously ugly Poor Peoples Babies have you seen recently? Loads!
These Babies are Dog Babies. Babies born from lies and disception.
There is no protection from these cunning canines just beware of anyone with two rows of 4 nipples.

Poor people protect yourselves they're out there looking for you!